Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
