I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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