Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
