I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
