I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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