Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
