No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
