So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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