Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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