I want to make a zoo with you.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize