the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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