I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
