Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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