I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
