Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
These tits shall not be calmed
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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