i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
