how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
