and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
