Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize