If i come over, it means nothing
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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