she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
