I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
