it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
