I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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