Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
