I'm going to jail i love you
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
