I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
