Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
