i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
