I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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