yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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