I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
