Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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