I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
