we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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