There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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