The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
