im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
