I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
