my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
