I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
