Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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