we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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