lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
