I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
