Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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