who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He better not be in your backpack
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We need to get me chipped asap
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
