I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize