why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
