i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
