Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
