Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize