I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
