Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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