im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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