How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize