Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
They took my balls.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
