did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
