Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
