he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize