k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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