I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
