Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
