Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
