wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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