Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize