I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
