Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
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