I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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