PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize