If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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