whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
