It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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