a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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