Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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