Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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