Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
