I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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