We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
