We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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