in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
