I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize