Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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