I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
