So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize