I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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