His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
