U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We were destined to go to rehab together
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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