wrigley field is MILF paradise
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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