when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
