I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
