Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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