I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
