did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
