Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize