I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
