Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
