remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
