I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
