I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
