Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
