Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
