Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
