Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize