conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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