If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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