I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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