Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
