She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
