STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
