Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I need to calm my uterus...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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