Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
