Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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