i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
