good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
