I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Randomize
