so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
